


Look At Me

by Dyleon



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Comforting Derek, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Nogitsune Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 10:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1547546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyleon/pseuds/Dyleon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the show down with the nogitsune, things settle into normal again. Everyone go back to their daily routine.<br/>But not Stiles. He has nightmares of the nogitsune. The nogitsune is gone, but Stiles still can't look at him self again without talking to someone about it. But Scott has got enough problems to deal with. Stiles needs someone he could talk to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look At Me

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://dyleon.tumblr.com) :)

Stiles wakes up, screaming. His body is sweaty from the nightmares and he inhales wildly for air. His cover lies on the floor and everything is still dark. It must be around midnight. He whines for one brief moment. Stiles looks at his clock in his room.

**2:24**

He's wide awake now and can't go to sleep again. He doesn't want to sleep again. Not when he knows that he's going to dream again.

He looks at the empty wall where thousands of notes were pinned at a while ago. He still can see all those red lines all over the wall as if none of the cases were sold.

His hands are freezing and he thinks about the nogitsune in his dream again. Or about what the nogitsune was doing with his body, forced to watch everything it was doing. He could even feel everything like he did all of this. But when Stiles looks at his hands again, he knows it is a dream. He just knows it.

"Ten," Stiles counts. He's awake. He's save here. Here in the reality.

It was hot under his cover and too cold without it. His sweat and the cool air outside the window are _killing_ him. What could he even do? He tried for one week to sleep again, but every night the dreams torture him. He needs to talk to someone about it. He is aware of that. But with who?

His dad? Sure, a dad is there to talk about your problems. But his dad, _the sheriff_ , has got enough problems with the residues of the nogitsune. _Stiles' residues_  Stiles thinks.

God. He can't even talk to Lydia or Scott. And Kira. Well, Stiles knew her not enough for that. He wouldn't even know what he could say to her. He can't even talk to his _own_ friends. They're all depressed because of Aiden and Alliso-

"Allison," Stiles murmurs to himself. Oh god, _Allison._  He can't believe that Allison is dead. He just-just _can't_ , although he could feel it when Allison died. The nogitsune separated Stiles in two bodies, but he could feel its triumph. It took delight from her death. It was like a stab in his gut but he could feel that the nogitsune felt accomplished from it.

Scott is probably so done with all of this. Stiles knows that Scott wouldn't blame him for Allison's death. But Stiles does. Suddenly it's not a surprise Jackson moved to London. He probably couldn't look at them. He couldn't control it too. Stiles never though that he would ever understand Jackson in any way. But now he does, and it's killing him.

If he would been just stronger. Strong enough that he wouldn't be possessed by the nogitsune. That he would not kill-

No. Lydia and Scott aren't an option. Not anymore. _I can't do this to them. I can't just go to them right now._

When he finished the thought, he realized that he's already downstairs in front of the door. He can't remember going down the stairs nor putting his clothes on. He just wanted to go. He wanted to find someone he could tell all of his worries and guilt.

 

***

 

When Stiles stands in front of Derek's door of the loft, he is shivering. If Derek is awake now, he can definitely hear Stiles' heart beat but Stiles doesn't care. He just knows that Derek would listen to him. He acts like he doesn't care for Stiles at all, but when he was in danger; it was Derek who always brought him to a saver side.

Stiles slowly opens the door (which doesn't help the loud rusty noise) and steps one step forward. The light is on and then there is Derek, walking straight to him.

"What are you doing here," asks Derek as he would say  _You have nothing to do here_. "Do you know how late it is?"

Stiles looks at Derek's eyes and stares for a moment. He's still freezing and Derek can feel it, Stiles knows. He closes the door behind him and walks to Derek's couch. "I couldn't sleep."

 _You couldn't sleep? Really?! That's what you got?_ Stiles was obviously embarrassed. He just hopes Derek doesn't see it or ignore it.

Stiles hopes that Derek won't notice. If he'll notice and ignores it, he would already know that Stiles has feelings for Derek. His heart fasted up every time Derek touched Stiles accidentally. Derek apparently doesn't care or can't handle it at all. But whatever Stiles is doing now, it wouldn't hurt him, because Derek wouldn't.

"You couldn't sleep?" Derek cocks an eyebrow and goes to the couch where Stiles has just thrown himself on. Stiles shrugs when Derek sits down on the couch next to him. His heart skips a beat and goes insane fast. Derek could hear it. There was no way he could deny. "Stiles," Derek says calmly.

Stiles' heart calm a little bit because- Is Derek laying his hands on his?

"I know. You've got nightmares. But they're not real."

Stiles feels hurt and sore inside him. "That's why," he responds a little bit annoyed but not angry at Derek. "It's real. It just happened a time ago." Stiles heartbeat speeds up. "I see everything. Everything I did."

"No, you see everything _it_ did!" Derek shouts out and Derek squeezes Stiles hand tighter.

That's when Stiles gets angry at Derek. He stands up and lets away from Derek's hand. "Well. Then tell me now. Who was too weak to fight against the nogitsune? Who was the person who almost killed his best friend with a freaking _sword?_ Who was the person the nogitsune used as its own body?!" Stiles shouts and cries in panic, seeing Allison and Aidan's bloody corpses in his head. He never felt so guilty before. But yelling it out was relieve at the same time. But he still hates himself for it. He can't stop it. Won't stop it. Won't stop screaming. "It was me! I killed Allison! I killed Aidan! I can't even look at myself anymore! I-"

Derek tries to force Stiles into a hug, but Stiles refuses it. Stiles punches wild around him, screaming _no_ over and over again. Derek barely could grip Stiles' arm as Stiles tried to get out of it.

"Stiles," Derek grunts loud and Stiles is still crying and tries to escape.

"I can't! It's-"

"Stiles!" Derek groans. His eyes were glowing for one moment. "Look at me!" He shakes Stiles and Stiles holds still.

Horror and tears are in Stiles' eyes. He can barely keep a straight face to Derek when he looks into his eyes. Hot air from their breath hits their faces. They are just inches form each other.

Stiles is confused. What let him became so frustrated? How did he become so _broken_? He is just embarrassed of how weak he really is and seems to Derek right now. But Derek doesn't let Stiles go and they're just _looking_ at each other.

Derek calms, trying to do the same for Stiles. "When you can't look at yourself," he breathes out. "then look at me." Derek lets his forehead fall against Stiles'.

They are heavily breathing and Stiles is just confused of the whole situation. He doesn't want that Derek thinks he's weak. He is broken, but in that moment he realized how broken Derek must be. Everyone around him is suffering. Everyone he ever loved is literally dead. And now Stiles is by Derek, telling _him_ how much his life sucks? Stiles feels like an idiot.

"Derek," Stiles says looking into Derek's eyes with a sorry look. "I'm-hhmpf!"

But Stiles can't finish his sentence when Derek put his hands on Stiles' cheeks and closes the distance between them. Derek presses his lips against Stiles'. Stiles eyes wide in shock. Derek's actual lips are on his and he's not dreaming, is he? But the shock quickly disappeared and he melts in Derek's gentle kiss. The kiss is salty because of Stiles' tears all over his face and he could feel Derek's tongue sliding in his mouth, colliding against Stiles' in something that seems like a tongue battle. The kiss was wet and hard but gentle at the same time.

Derek pulls his lips away and pants heavily into Stiles' mouth. Derek's lips are so close and still so far away. Stiles can still feel the ghost of Derek's lips. He wants more but he couldn't think right now. He looks on Derek's lips which were just on his a second ago.

Derek looks at Stiles who doesn't seem to look back. "Stiles," Derek tries. "Stiles. Look. At. Me."

Derek looks at Stiles' hands. _Stiles is doing something with them_ he thinks. He blinks a view moments and waits for Stiles to respond.

Stiles still looks at his hands but he's saying something. He's confused but relieved at the same time. Derek can feel it. He can feel something in Stiles mind but can't bring it from the top of his tongue.

Stiles puts his hands on Derek's now and holds them up. Derek doesn't know what to say. He said _Look at me_ and well, that's what Stiles' doing right now, just with the difference that he's looking at his hands.

"Ten," Stiles is murmuring.

"What?" Derek was now the one who was confused.

Stiles still didn't look into Derek's eyes. He's still starring at his hands or on his-

"Ten fingers," Stiles says louder. "It's real."

**Author's Note:**

> So first of all: This fic was written for the Sterek Campain's "Fic Club". It is my first fic that I wrote in English. I don't know if there are any mistakes, but if you see one, please shout it out, so I can fix it :)  
> Thanks for reading!  
>  **This is not the end!**


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